Alissa Juvan | Who Is Alissa
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Who Is Alissa

Alissa JuvanI’m Doc Martens meets Hello Kitty: the quirky, sarcastic best friend that you can always count on to cheer you up with a dirty joke or a stupid dance (I have a stupid dance. I do, I really do. I’ll show you my stupid dance. I will, whether you like it or not) or put others down with a sarcastic comment. I’m always the bridesmaid, never the bride, but I love a wedding–straight or gay.

I’m the butch barista at your Portland single origin coffee shop, the truck stop waitress who loves to hang with the guys, the small town office worker who everyone assumes is a lesbian, but I’m just shy around guys! The dorky art teacher who everyone assumes is a lesbian, and, in this case, they’re right. The tough-talking, no-nonsense lawyer who everyone assumes is a lesbian, but I’m just short and fat. Get over it!

You can always count on me for a witty comment or a cheeky smile, but don’t underestimate me, because I’m smarter than you…and probably more fun, too.

Oh, and I could kick your ass.